Back Issue Blog: Hit Girl Misses Fashion Mark on Kick-Ass Red Carpet

18 Apr

The other night I was beyond wowed by all the hideously bad, ill-fitting clothing on the red carpet for Kick-Ass: Too-tight black plether pants, dresses over jeans, long digits hanging over the edge of open-toed fake-snake ankle boots, lace leggin’ tights, and so on.  

I’ve covered a lot of premieres in my time, but I don’t remember ever thinking, “I wonder if there was a memo-request to wear something crazy… like a homemade pseudo-superhero costume?” It was bad, bad, bad (even worse than the Hot Tub Time Machine premiere, where guests WERE encouraged to dress cheesily).  

In spite of my profession as a film critic, I actually don’t like to criticize. I’d rather celebrate the things I do like, champion small films, point out people’s good deeds, etc., which is why here on this blog of mine (when I’m in “Mode” mode) you’ll almost always find the fashions I adore. But in this case of red carpet wardrobe witnessed, I just *have* to post the fashions I abhor. (And then I will feel guilty about it, even though I have made sure no one in the pics is ID’ed!)  

Kevin Du Brow texted from the great beyond… he wants his black plether pants back!  

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But Wait… There’s More!Photobucket  

Terrible, in triplicate.  

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This reminded me of a three-toed sloth that’s just been swallowed by a cheap knock-off python.  

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Is this Snookie’s boyfriend? I hope he doesn’t put a contract out on me.  

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This guy thought he was going to the George of the Jungle premiere.  

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Even Barney wouldn’t wear these layers upon layers of purple piled on (line stockings underneath lace leggins’, plus sequins and marabou? Really?)  

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Too bad Big Bird doesn’t own a mirror.  

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Cinched in tighter than Scarlet O’Hara on a starvation diet.  

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A skort mini dress, that’s also asymmetrical, shear AND sequined?  

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Salvation Army “chic”.  

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Brocade dress over tights with metallic ankle boots. Oh, noooooo she di’nt!  

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Someone’s stuck in the early 90s, with mini dress over jeans, flats, a caplet, and a huge, sloppy bag big enough to fit Courtney Love inside.  

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More sloppy. This time in grey sweats… this is her movie premiere outfit? I’d hate to see what she wears to the gym.  

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Whew! OK, that’s over. (Try a saline eyewash.)  

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Here’re some other fashion-obsessed observations, info, tips, and bargain-braggin’.

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Carrie on: somebody who knows how to dress! (Even if she *was* “Fashion Roadkill” in one episode ;-))  

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I saw this ad in Vogue for Prada Eyewear. Stylish, huh? Not very versatile, but I do love them.  

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Been catching up lately on what I call “my mindless TV shows” — look how far behind I got on Shear Genius. I’m also enjoying Project Runway (I can’t decide between Seth Aaron and Mila… season finale is coming up soon!), so-so on Jessica Simpson’s Price of Beauty, and was sad to see Ugly Betty go (but it was a fitting finale).  

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I found a new (new to me, anyway) couture, fashion and high concept photographer I just love. Her name is Salome Vorfas, and her work is amazing. There are LOTS of examples online, especially through her own Flikr gallery. Vorfas fashion haute photography  

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eBay Treasures
  

After giving the credit card some time to recuperate, I’m back looking for fashions on eBay. I’m out of my mod-mini phase, and am now interested in halter dresses and plunging necklines. I found some good ones (including a stunning formal Armani pantsuit Enzo convinced me to buy… I wouldn’t ordinarily go for that, but it looks really good on! I’m going to have some pics taken in it, soon).  

The Armani was from a seller who was a) my size, b) had my taste, c) was able to travel the fashion districts of the world, and d) was moving so decided to sell a bunch of her clothes! Here’s an adorable yellow Max Azaria top I got, plus this Guess halter dress.  

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She showed the top tied in the back like this…  

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…but the minute I put it on, I thought it would be a lot cuter with an old-fashioned pussy-bow.  

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I also bought this Paris boutique top from her, but haven’t tried it on yet.  

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Coming from China (so much more unusual, fashionable clothes, for so much cheaper… I’ve always had good luck with Chinese sellers — I got a $300 silk robe for under $100 last year) I have this sweater dress…  

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…And also these stockings, which are very similar to some Gucci ones I saw in San Francisco but for a fraction of the price.  

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Here’s a kitschy Western shirt I liked, but didn’t buy.  

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Same seller, Boho whimsy dress from the 50s — I also didn’t buy.  

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I really liked this one too, a Guess strapless dress from that seller, but didn’t buy. I already have enough strapless dresses and I don’t look very good in strapless (always have to modify them with a shrug)… but I do adore the pattern!  

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I bought these two dresses from one seller. The brown polka dots are unusual, and perfect for summer, and the pattern on this deep blue and gold deco-style halter dress really caught my eye.Photobucket  

However the halter dress didn’t fit me at all, so I had Fariba wear it in a photo shoot I did of her. It looked so perfect, I gave it to her.  

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9 Responses to “Back Issue Blog: Hit Girl Misses Fashion Mark on Kick-Ass Red Carpet”

  1. Carrie the Scarey April 18, 2010 at 9:51 AM #

    Okay..Ladies, if you have ugly toes please don’t wear peep toe shoes.

    That brown polka dot number is soooo stunning! Have you worn that in a shoot recently?

    • Staci April 18, 2010 at 11:51 AM #

      Yeah, those toes are like gargoyle claws hanging over a ledge.

      No, haven’t worn the brown dress yet, but will do as soon as I have an occassion.

  2. freaky phil April 18, 2010 at 4:52 PM #

    Uh..huh-huh, you said “pussy-bow”….

  3. Pamela April 18, 2010 at 10:41 PM #

    ….ditto like freaky phil says….haha…just one among other brilliant observations. Could not stop laughing over the red carpet “ruminations”. Spot on as usual, Ms. Staci!!

  4. TerrenceK April 21, 2010 at 5:40 AM #

    Waddup, Phil! Long time, no see or hear! 😉

    Yep, those red carpet pics are still frightening. Haha!

    On the other hand, Staci, you looked GREAT in your Armani suit! You’re a very fun ‘subject’ to take photos of! 🙂

  5. stacilaynewilson April 21, 2010 at 8:52 AM #

    Phil only comes out of hiding to make juvenile observations, that’s why you haven’t seen him lately. ‘Pussy-Bow’ is an antiquaited term, but it’s still sometimes used in haute couture lingo… and my blog. It’s snazzier than its replacment (‘secretary bow’). Spaeaking of snazzy, glad you and Brian came out for pics – thanks. And, I was *not* wearing that suit at the premiere!

  6. WardP April 21, 2010 at 11:26 PM #

    Ha ha! Awesome, Stace. Pussy-Bow Galore…worst Bond Girl name ever.;)

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Slashin’, Fashion & Random Passions « I Think, Therefore I Blog - April 29, 2010

    […] After being such a snarky bitch (albeit reluctantly) in my recent lambasting blog, I thought I’d get away with not showing what **I** was wearing that night at the Kick-Ass […]

  2. Megan Faux: Unreal on the Red Carpet « I Dress, Therefore I Blog - June 17, 2010

    […] in the tagline of the film, and although I was still reeling from the memories of the Kick Ass frock failure, I have to say everyone looked […]

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